Sunday, April 24, 2011

Why Single Motherhood?

I get asked this question sometimes. I'm sure that some women may intentionally choose this route. But I'd imagine the majority of us single moms-to-be didn't set out with this plan. I suppose I should only speak for myself though.

I've always hoped that someday my prince would come. And a few times I thought he had. Unfortunately, I found out I was wrong.

I was married once. Had a beautiful, fairy tale wedding. The wedding of my dreams, in fact. The marriage however....not so much. It seems my husband forgot one key element of what it means to be married. He forgot to stop dating. Other women. So that was that.

After my divorce, I decided that if I hit the age of 35 and had no prospects on the horizon, I'd pursue motherhood on my own. That seems to be the magic number for a lot of women for some reason. But for me, that was my cut off.

I fell in love again in the interim. But alas, that one was 10 years younger than I. Really silly idea, I guess. A lot of fun while it lasted though.

So in 2006.. I turned 34. With no prospects on the horizon. I realized that even if the perfect guy fell in my lap that day (which he'd pretty much have to do since I've made zero effort to look for him), it'd take far too long for me to make the determination that he was "The One".

I'm a lot older and wiser now. Not nearly as trusting as I used to be. And the older I get, the more determined I get that I won't settle for less than what I deserve.

So I gave up the fairy tale.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm not open to Prince Charming if he should decide to appear. But I'm not waiting for him any longer.

The one thing I've known my entire life is that I wanted to be a mother someday. No woman should have to give up the dream of motherhood just because she hasn't found a husband. And what if you really don't want one anyway?

I'm so grateful to live in a time and a place where it's become acceptable to do this on my own. And I'm so glad I waited until I was a little older. I'm glad that I lived my life for so long without children. Now I'm more patient, more appreciative, more settled and I know better.

I've lived out the selfishness of my twenties. I've had fun and been reckless. I've made my home. I've worked hard and been successful in my career. I've lived and I've learned. I've enjoyed my freedom. I've figured out who I am and what I want. And I'm ready now.

I'm ready for bottles, bedtime stories, first steps, sloppy sticky kisses, ponytails, special trips for ice cream cones, giggles and laughter, kissing scraped knees, training wheels, secret pinkie swears, soccer games or ballet ... or both, and hearing a beautiful little girl call me mommy.

I know it won't be easy. There are days that I'm scared. Will I do this right? Do I have enough money? Do I have enough energy? Can I really do this by myself?

But I know that I already love this little girl that I haven't even met. And I know that I'm ready to be her mother. With or without the prince.


Dayngr said...

I knew you could do it!!

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